Every week as a mentor, advisor, and guide, I actively engage my life work with my TIME to Teach, Inspire, Mentor, and Equip learners and leaders. Questions are the playground of mentors, teachers and coaches. As professionals, our task is to ask the right questions in order to create a massive shift in your thinking and behavior. Yesterday evening was an interesting one with two former clients and present friends. I went for a walk and had an iced mocha with one. With the other, it was Thai green curry and rice. Yes, mentoring, coaching, and friendship are opportunities for eating and drinking together. As I listened, learned, and asked questions, I realized that most people fail at finding answers to their challenges for two reasons. Firstly, they ask the wrong questions. Secondly, they don’t ask any questions and continue to lead lives of “quiet desperation.” In my journey of learning about coaching, one of my coaching mentors gave me three steps to gain traction in the journey:
- Above all things, take time to get CLARITY first: Try to understand the real problem you are trying to solve. Not the spider webs but the spider hiding among the logs! Get clarity on the nature of the beast you are dealing with today.
2.ASK GOOD QUESTIONS and DIFFERENT KINDS: There are many kinds of questions to ask yourself. Some are probing questions that help you delve into the hidden issues, hangups and baggage you are dealing with under the surface. Or maybe a pet dragon that once was cute, nurtured and fed, but now is roaring in the basement and making your house shake! The questions may include expansive questions that help you dream again, think big, and have big hairy audacious goals. Last but not least, action questions like “What will you do and when will you do it?”
3. Finally, TELL THE TRUTH: Lying to others is not kosher but lying to yourself is even worse. When we start lying to ourselves and others, eventually we start believing the lies. Coaches, like us, have to tell you that “DENIAL is not a river in Egypt.” Be honest with yourself as well as with your coach, mentor, or friend. I can’t be everyone’s coach, mentor, or friend, but do reach out if you need some help. If I can’t help you, I will point you to some great coaches, mentors, books, and resources.
So today, what is the most important question you can ask yourself at the beginning of this week?